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Swine Flu Stats

editor — Thu, 07 May 2009 05:34:41 +0000

(OTD) The odd thing about this latest swine flu “pandemic” is that less people have been killed than last the flu outbreak of 2008 (The Sept – Dec usual flu period).

With pigs being killed everywhere H1N1 continues to make waves without any substantiated case of real danger to humans beyond any other regular flu outbreak.

“This could change” says an official that refuses to be named, “if the flu shot is delayed from immediate, overtime processing, many more people may get sick.”

However, if H1N1 can be directed towards all the people that caused the GREAT CRASH of 2008, many millions of people will at least smile into their retirement, if not to sail into it.

TCH lessens cholesterol

editor — Wed, 06 May 2009 04:12:52 +0000

(NYR) – New York Reporters today released a story that encourages marijuana use in the fight against cholesterol. Citing a 5 year study by the Physicians Hospital of Sienna, Vermont, 205 patients with a variety of cholesterol issues were treated with a chemical THC of 18% potency. The study found that over the 5 year period patients were less likely to have cholesterol related health issues while being treated with the THC medication and on a strict exercise and diet regimen as opposed to the 205 patient control group that had 18 deaths during the same period.

BSE detection

editor — Wed, 06 May 2009 04:10:46 +0000

BSE

(CTN) – Agriculture Canada and the University of Waterloo today jointly announced $22.7 million dollars in funding for a new testing facility of the farm management program. Preventative BSE (bovine spongiform encephalopathy) Detection Lab will open in the fall of 2005, staffed by undergraduates of the farm management program. Initial testing involves collection of 40 million tons of cow manure of uninfected cows to determine a baseline that will be used in the detection of suspect cows. The manure will be dried, compressed and pressed into pellets that are then specially treated with chemicals that allow for the visible detection of BSE. Cow manure futures rose sharply with the market expecting a shortfall in fertilizer supply due to the size of purchase by the university.

Febreez Attraction

editor — Wed, 06 May 2009 03:48:56 +0000

Febreez dependency

(NPA) – An article in the soon to be released New Haven Journal of Medicine discusses the psychology and treatment of a middle-aged lady with a severe attraction to the fabric freshener ‘Febreez’. The 52 year old was so addicted to the fragrance of the product that over the years she exhibited a psychological need for the odor so intensely that she carried the product everywhere she went. “She was using 3 containers worth of the product every day, spraying indiscriminately” stated Dr. Johnsen, one of the members of the clinical treatment group. “Over a period of 32 months we slowly weaned the patient off her dependency by replacing the ‘Febreeze’ with an odorless placebo, water in a Febreeze bottle.” Officials at Proctor & Gamble has no comment pending review of the article.

Dermametrics

editor — Wed, 06 May 2009 03:36:27 +0000

Dermametrics

(TNS) – Texas University medical scientists have released a study that links breast tissue size to the growth hormones used in animal feed. “We are on the road to having conclusive proof” said Tim Watkins, a scientist in the TU Dermametrics lab, “that links animal growth hormone usage to an average size increase in female breast sizes seen in the last two decades.” The study, which was released Tuesday, followed the dietary patterns of 1,524 women from age 10 to 16 for 6 years. Half of the test subjects ate what would be considered a normal average diet for American women and half ate organic food products only. The normal diet survey group had no restrictions on the type of meats consumed and randomly had the meat tested for growth hormones which were found present more than 85% of the time.